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You get sick of that. When you stop hurting. You’re afraid to move because it might start again.With my type of Aphasia you transition back and forth from verbal to various states of non verbal. These can scale from almost unnoticeable slight pauses to severe stuttering to jumbled sentence structure to absolute muteness. I run the entire spectrum though absolute muteness is somewhat rare with me. Now there are soft transitions where the speaker may feel a slight pressure before or as or after the transition occur. Then there are hard transitions that are very painful. Transitions being neurological in nature can also trigger panic attacks like PTSD. For me, the panic attacks are a problem. Panic attacks trigger the fight or flight response. When I’m afraid of something I kill it. If it’s dead it can’t hurt me. So during a panic attack anything I interpret as aggressive is a direct and immediate threat to my survival. I am a trained fighter. I never had these attacks before my. We dated through high school and after graduation, during my first year in college, we got married. Our sex life while often, was not probably as exciting as most people’s. Sharon didn’t care to perform orally on me, usually I felt lucky to get a lick or two and a real good hot night would entail her actually letting me into her mouth a little ways. Mostly our sex was missionary position and once in a long while, if she was really worked up, maybe doggie style. I think she was more concerned that she didn’t appear to be slutty or liking sex too much. Proper being a key word in her thinking. Anyway, we loved each other, so the sex really wasn’t an issue between us. If I pressed, she would almost always offer herself up to me. No bad feeling or anger either. Our love for each other giving us respect for each other too. There were times when I wanted to try something, but didn’t out of deference to her. Life went on and one day I realized that I was forty eight years old, and hadn’t.
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